hahaha, well minsay is now blocked on the school computers, so im going to go back to my livejournal for a few days

palindromicpunk.mindsay.com

yup i'm leaving this website..

ooooh welll


bye bye livejournal

i'm in word processing now and it's only 3rd period but i feel like it's about 100th. i woke up at 658 today and collni was picking me up at like seven... it was horrible... and i didnt sleep well last night. but theater class was fun this morning.

oh and p.s. i love margie amisano

Varsity Girls Soccer

I played int his game:
8/30 Newark Valley HS Home 4:30

I miss all 10 of these games

9/1 Section 4/5 Challenge Home 7:00
9/3 Section 4/5 Challenge Home 6:00
9/7 Notre Dame HS Home 4:30
9/9 Candor Central School Away 7:00
9/12 Southern Cayuga HS Away 4:30 9/13 Odessa-Montour HS Away 4:30
9/19 Newfield HS Home 4:30
9/21 Spencer-Van Etten HS Home 4:30
9/23 Newark Valley HS Away 4:30
9/27 Southern Cayuga HS Home 4:30
9/29 Waverly HS Away 4:30


I can play in these 4 games:

10/3 Candor Central School Home 7:00
10/5 Odessa-Montour HS Home 4:30 (SENIOR NIGHT)
10/11 Newfield HS Away 4:30
10/13 Spencer-Van Etten HS Away 4:30

So.. this week is the shittiest week in the world...

Monday, got team captain! so pumped for that, this season i was having so much fun
oh wait, and i had strep and tonsilitus diagnosed

Tuesday, went to the game, we were getting raped, but i still had like the best attitude and i was working my ass off... 10 minutes left, rolled my ankle, felt a snap, kept playing, got called out, wnet back in, lied said it didnt hurt....

Wednesday, went to the doctor and i find otu the fucking ligaments are TORN... in a cast for 4 weeks, AND cant do shit...

i cried... not kidding... balled....but it's ok i guess....im still going to all the games, to watch, and im wearing my captain band on my cast... haha what a sight, and i get to wheel around in school...

Thursday, It's going to be really hard watching teh team without me...

it was silent with a chill as i stood there shaking
the whole world was still, a revelation in the making
it was more than i could take, the ground below an abyss
and as i feel the emptiness ache, i'm haunted by remiss

and then abruptly with void, the silence soon concluded,
a night of purity soon destroyed, the realm of quiet i now eluded
but what was the sound, that granted my escape
a pidder patter pound, that to my ears did rape

the noise began to shatter, the calmness i felt within
and my thoughts they did scatter, as my blood burned my skin
i felt my chest now swelling, and my skin about to break,
and inside i felt dwelling, something more than i could take

and all at once it did emerge, from my bleeding remains
a heart now on the verge, to endure loves pains,
it still beat with passion, despite it's scars at worse,
it'd already been burt and ashen, but still with love to burst

and as i lay there silent and still, the feeling i felt was eerie
i felt a fast familiar chill, at the thought of new theory
my soul was raptured, by a brand new trust in love
my heart was now captured, in attempts to give all of




yea, so a couple people dont understand this poem so i'll explain it,
it's like life being dreary, silent, and having something missing,
but then it's interuppted by a sound, (heart beat) and the heart is so intrigued with love that it's wild with passion and rips through the chest, despite being broken it's sill coming out to show everything with no boundries, it's ready to love

Hm.... i dont quite know how this works, i think fill it out and then leave it as a comment :) Fill it out and amuse me




1. Who are you?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. Do you have a crush on me?

5. Would you kiss me?

6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it?

7. Describe me in one word?

8. What was your first impression?

9. Do you still think that way about me now?

10. What reminds you of me?

11. If you could give me anything what would it be?

12. How well do you know me?

13. When's the last time you saw me?

14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

WOW i'm becoming an E-Quiz Junkie But this ones pretty cool though

Take the quiz: "What kind of eyes do you have? (with pictures)"

Eden
You have eden eyes. Eden is the color of water. Your eyes symbolize your great flexibility. You are a creative person. You can think of many good ways to get your point across to people as you have very good communication abilities. When someone feels down or is hurt, you have the remarkable ability to help them and heal them. If you have too little going on in your life, you may be withdrawn and depressed, timid, manipulative, unreliable, stubborn, or suspicious. Some words to describe you: peaceful, sincere, affectionate, tranquil, intuitive, trustworthy, pure, loyal, healing, and stable.

its been days and nights since ive picked up a pen,
i wish i could pick up my words again
i'm blocked, blank you see
i cant find my soul anywhere in me

out of body experience you could say at best
i guess it needed a break, it needed some rest
i'm hollow and empty without my soul
its left me hear, black as coal

my heart mourns for the meaning i lost
my brain lists excuses, logic exhausts
so i'm drained, like a vacant corpse
searching for me, like a rainbows source

my soul is like gray clouds, that come with the storm
the flame in the fire that keeps me warm
my soul is the shadows that come from the moon
it's the music, that's perfectly tuned

something so pure, is out of reach
its left no footprints along the beach
i cant find myself, i've ran off with my dreams
i've risen up above my bodys seems

its somewhere high in the midnight skies
staring back into my teary eyes
my soul is living a life, and has left me behind
its going places my body has only in mind

my wild soul is sleeping with the man in moon
and dancing with the sun at noon
my calm soul is floating on waterfall mist
and the trees breeze, it's already kissed

my naive soul has been chasing the wind
it fell into a storm and by lightning was pinned
my sly soul has mastered mountain climbing
it's gazed into valleys, and counted wave crash timing

my charming soul, has jealoused the wild flowers
and floated gently with the winter snow showers
my clumsy soul, has fell into the bermuda triangle
and left my body in quite a tough tangle

it left me for a life i only wish i could lead
it left me hear to tear and bleed
transparent and afraid,
i get myself out of the mess my soul made

if all the words in the world, could be spoken,
about how my hearts crushed and broken
to tell a friend, all the weight of the world
about all the tears small and pearled

what would they be? its hard to say,
they would have to be perfect, said in the perfect way
how would i describe the dreams for death,
the feeling of emptiness, the loss of my breath

how would you understand, my sore soul
or the reasons why my hearts black as coal
could you ever imagine, feeling your blood burn beneath your skin,
the way your body trembles and shakes with sin

i dont know how i'd start to talk of my mutilation,
and my days of endless ongoing frustration
the thought of making this all make sense
sends chills up my spine, and my hands get tense

i dont think i could possibly say all there is to say
but does it really matter anyway
theres not enough paper, or words created
to put in my poem to be translated

perhaps theres no words to descirbe my pain,
maybe they run away like blood from my vein
because im supposed to forget it, and start over new
maybe the new beginning im searching for, is found in you

maybe your the friend, that will dry the tears from my eyes,
maybe your the friend, that will keep me alive in my demise
maybe your the friend, who'll ease the pain from my mind
who i can trust, and to me will be kind

 

i'm getting lost in the music of you and me
im singing for you, is it something u see?
screaming at the top of my lungs, feeling th esong
though my voice is raspy and my rhythms all wrong

im getting lost, music surrounds my ear
im playing for you, is it something you hear
holding my notes as long as i can
playing my heart out everything i am

im getting lost in the words i've written down
im writing for you every word, every sound
it's a love song original on every line
something sweet that i can call mine

i'll write, sing, and play every note on every fret
but it means nothing if not a duet
so come away with me, moved by the music, lost in the night
dance away as teh stars shine bright

held together by verses and refrains
captured by music burning in our veins
entrapped by the love song played jsut for us
it's abotu faith and it's abotu trust

it gives me goosebumps and makes me cry
it touches my sould the music of you and i
im loving the way love songs sound
it brings on emotion and makes my heart pound

heart full of hate, and soul stained with sin
sinking and falling faster, into the emptiness enclosed within
crystal tears of poison and ice
letting my sorrow be the torture device

cuts on my faith, and cuts on my wrist,
being cremated, by the devils scorching kiss
so much lonliess inside of the night
midnight clouds blurr and fog my sight

slit my skin with the crescent moon sliver,
a familiar hurt, that makes my nerves quiver
lost in the stars and sound of my screams
believing in nothing, forgetting my dreams

i stepped to the ledge  made of lost faith
adrenaline pumped, my heart began to race
i took a leap, and fell for what seemed like days
my life began hopless, wasting away in meaningless haze

but then one day i fell into you, and smiled again
i found in you faith and a friend.
i found in you, the person i dreamt to be
you gave me wings, and new eyes to see

for once in years, i am not alone,
for once in years, i found something like home,
for once in years, i dont want to throw something away
for once in years, i want someone to stay

Who's the little boy,
That lies beneath your eyes,
Does anyone wonder,
If he laughs or cries

Who's the little boy,
That makes or breaks the man
Is he always confused,
Or does he understand

Who's the little boy,
And what is his fate
What is he feeling,
Does he love or does he hate

Who's the little boy
That I care about so much
Does he need a hug
Or will he crumble at the touch

in our dreams the devils play,
controlling our thoughts, they get their way,
they hide inside our hopes in dreams,
remember realitys not what it seems

they climb out of hell, and burn you alive
when you decay, they smile and thrive
everything frightening, cruel and red,
invade and kill, thoughts in our head,

then once its killed all people and words
its moves to immortals like the flowers and birds
then hell quickly sets fire upon the oceans
to flow and bring forth commotion

it soon will reach the sizzling sands,
it scorches and more it demands
the smoke rises with ruined debris,
capturing the lungs of birds and bees,

a wrongful right sin does claim,
a poisonous wrath of ash and flame
all life is scalded within time,
this is the last apocolyptic crime

demons and devils dance in delight
they burn the sky as they capture the night

 

 

 

ok, so basically this is about something that is keeping you close just so it can get u in the end, and it makes sure to keep hurting you secretly so taht you will have to rely on it to keep you safe again so its ilke a bitter cycle, but u find out what it's doing and decide that you wanna die and end the cycle and betrayal, so you plant more of it, surround yourself in it so you can committ suicide on the plan of murder...

there is passion flower, that embraces me so tight
it holds me close in slumber, and protects me from the night

the black petals that are my fears,
and the wilting leaves that are my tears
send off an aroma, a poison at best
to travel in my breath, to invade and infest

to ensure i stay dead enough to be alive
its decay grows inside my heart, let the passion flower thrive

i rely on the paradox of the love and death
and plant a seed inside of me and take a real deep breath
for once the flower has grown and roots begin to extend
it gives off just one more aroma to bring me the end

its a murder and a suicide in foul sweep
as i fall tonight, the passion flower sleeps

i have like a billion little poems... i havent updated in years.. sorry

The red poison of your lips
The blue poison of your eyes
the way your kisses weaken me
and drug my heart, preparation for early demise

your whispers and words
give amnesia to my mind
i lose sense of direction
i forget the place and time

the touch of your finger tips,
and the warmth of your hand,
take me away, make me forget
where and who i am

just tell me im gorgeous
please just one more time,
i need to hear it,
i'll pretend its not just a line

i know its fake, and all a bunch of shit
but i need it now,
every word, all of it
it keeps me sane

black poison of your intentions
blue poison of your touch,
if your drugging me
why does it hur this much?

you've left me here to drain,
you've left me here to bleed
you've left me all alone,
on my blood, love will feed

you've left me hear to drown,
inside my tears, and crys
you've left me by myself
nothing but the red in my eyes

you've left me here in pieces
your words cut me apart
my ability to love has turned to dust,
along with my shattered heart

 

 

ok, so my mood says high, im not really, because its a schoool night, but the person is really funny looking...
havent wrote in a long time got a long poem for yall though. its idk. kinda wierd i like it though..

morphine tears, and a perkiset smile
fake happiness and painless crys
i just fade back, and pretend its worth while
but long tiresome days, make wasted years

prozac laughs, and vikadin screams
artificial joy, and numb frustration
your image of me is not what it seems
i don tknow who i am, this is the affirmation

look in the mirror, and its too much to see,
its ugly, everything i am, everything thats me

when i lie to myself, i can pretend for a while,
that i have no tears, that i really do smile,
if i dont pretend, they'll see through my scars to my soul,
they'll see its black as coal, they'll outcast me, and throw me in the rain,
all for the sake of my raw pain

its too much for them to handle, this pure hatred i have for myself,
so i rip my heart out, and put it in a box upon a high shelf,
put on the mask of lies,
to hide the tears in my bloodshot eyes

i curse myself, for being cruel and dark
and speaking sorrow in every remark
i curse good feelings, and wants and desire,
its a blazing red, scorching fire

and i only got burnt,

by unfair temptations and hope
but i cant just sit around and mope
i have to get past the cuts and burns,
and all my self conscious concerns

i have to admitt, that this is my life,
not ruled by ball and chain, but a silver knife

basically, the taste of chaos was nuts, but im fucking exhausted from driving and stuff, i'll write about it later for now heres a poem i wrote the other day that didnt have a chance to put in here.its like about searching for something to keep you stable, and then realizing all you need is yourself. like. yea. hah. that's it.



this is my lullaby,
this is my hum before i sleep
these are my final words,
these are what i sing after i weep

this is a gentle melody,
that helps me fade away
this is my paradise in tune,
its what i sing when i have nothing to say

this is natural beauty,
raw like the summer breeze,
its not polished or warped,
its like a rustle in the trees

its just my voice,
booming over the night
its just my notes,
escaping darkness, on my way to the light

this is me, this i know for sure
just strumming the strings of my heart
this is me, no confusion about that
its me singing, to find a new start

music is the life,
that flows in my veins
music is the love,
that soothes all my pains

music is hope
that dances in my head
music is the ease
that i feel before i go to bed

i am music,
i am soothing and loud,
i am vibrant, and wonderful
i am music, and i am proud

;) also im a celebrity in gloria april mays info, she has one of my poems in there, shes my wife yuh know, and i love her oh so much!

i am so f'ing tired and sick of napoleon dynamite, i swear i watched it about 5 times with sam, and then from 6 pm, to midnight last night, haha and not the whole way though, but rewinding and starting over... oh... cracks me up though...

welp, i tried sayin somethin to deven the other day to try and be friends, and nothin happened, so you know whaT? its time to just get over it...

well, i guess i gotta go, lexys passed otu on my couch, and jenns chillin around, i gotta clean up, my house got trashed last night...

       Through My Eyes

i wake up, and look up at the ceiling
i cant decide quite how im feeling
all these days i've been acting like a child
i've cried my tears, but its time i smiled

i'll climb out of bed and put on a brand new shirt
strip off the old one, and discard the hurt
look out my windows, and watch the sunrise
 see a brand new world, before my eyes

or rather the same world through a new view
but never have i seen a thing so true
i open my bedroom door, as i open my heart
todays my genesis, a long over due fresh start

walk out side, feel the crisp morning air
a whole new me, i shout and declare
i'll fall and lay in the mid summers sun,
no longer the end, but its just begun